Clearing Scene Re-Write
by Shadow of the Forgotten
Summary: This is how I imagine the clearing scene (when Edward shows Bella why he avoids sunlight) would've gone if the author had given Bella half a brain. A warning to all you Twihards out there; this story will likely make you angry so read at your own risk. Flames are welcomed with open arms and will probably lead to more rewrites of the series.
1. Clearing Scene

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own this piece of cra- . . . I mean, fiction. The Twilight series belongs to someone who obviously has no idea how to write a decent story.

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When we reached the clearing I turned around slowly, taking in the nearly perfect circular shape as well as the different trees and plants that seemed unwilling to enter the area. It was really quite a beautiful place, well, as beautiful as anything could be in one of the dreariest cities in the world. Staring up at that sunlight peaking through the tops of the outlying trees, I turned a curious glance at Edward who'd stopped moving a few feet away from one of the rays of sunshine. "So," I began, linking my hands together behind my back. "Why'd you bring me out here? You're not planning on killing me and then hiding my body somewhere are you?"

"No, I'm not going to kill you," he said, answering my half-joke with a smile as he moved to join me in the clearing. "I brought you out here so I could show you something. Now that you know I'm a vampire and all, I figured I may as well explain why my family disappears on nice days." I must've given him a look that implied I already knew what he was going to say and he was stupid for even bringing it up because he shook his head and tsked. "Okay, so I'm sure you've heard all those stories about how we vampires burst into flames when we step into the sun, but that's a load of bull. There aren't many ways we can be killed, but I assure you, sunlight isn't one of them."

"So how come you avoid the sun then if it doesn't hurt you?" I asked mildly curious as he slowly stepped into the sunlight. Although to be honest I think the whole 'bursting into flames' thing is pretty cool. Not the fact that the vampire dies mind you, but seriously, it's like spontaneous combustion! Oh, I should probably pay attention, he's talking again.

"Because of this," he replied, sweeping his hands down his body as the sun reflected off his skin.

The clearing suddenly became so quiet you could've heard a pin hitting the soft, damp grass. When I didn't say anything for a few minutes, he took a tentative step towards me. I guess he must've noticed my shoulders were beginning to shake and that I was refusing to look him in the eyes. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, reaching a hand out towards me tentatively.

My eyes jerked up to his face when I heard his question and I bit my lip as my whole body began to quiver. Nodding my head up and down, I pressed my lips together tightly so I wouldn't release even the slightest sound.

Placing his hand on my shoulder he gave it a comforting squeeze. "But you're shaking," he murmured to me softly. "Are you, are you afraid of me?"

Looking into his sad eyes I wanted nothing more than to tell him the truth. Of course I wasn't scared of him. Unfortunately, in order to do that I'd have to speak and I _really_ didn't trust myself to do that at the moment.

"Please Bella," he pleaded. "Tell me what's wrong. If you're not afraid then what is it? Are you in shock? Do you simply find me too beautiful for words? What's the matter?"

Finally I just couldn't hold it in anymore and I broke down. "HAHAAAHAHAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!" I laughed, clutching my sides as my whole body shook. "You . . . hahhaaaahaaaa . . . you, hahaaaahaaahaaa . . . you _SPARKLE_! Oh my god, that's hilarious!"

He must've backed away from me at some point since I could no longer feel his hand on my arm, but I was too busy laughing at his shininess to even care. "Oh look at me; I'm a big bad vampire who _glitters_ in the sun!" I managed to get out before breaking down into laughter again. "That's so lame!"

I'm fairly certain he probably would've said something in his defense if I'd given him half a chance, but there was no way I was going to let this go. "So how does it feel to know that anytime you step into the sun you look like a drag queen who's obsessed with sparkly makeup? Wait, don't tell me. You actually enjoy this don't you? It gives you a chance to . . . _shine_. Get it, shine?"

Raising my head, I realized he'd retreated so far up he was almost back in the trees and out of the sunlight. "Wait," I called out. "Don't leave yet! I'm not finished making fun of you and your sparkly-ness!" By now I was laughing so hard I was crying, large tears dripping down my cheeks every time another bout of laughter burst forth.

Between one blink and the next he was gone, vanished into the forest like a child who's gone home to cry to mommy. Okay, so I'd probably hurt his feelings a little bit, big deal. I'm sure he's dealt with this kind of reaction more than once before. I mean, he freaking _sparkles_ for crying out loud! I can't be the only one who's ever found this funny.

As my laughter died down I shook my head in disbelief. A vampire who _glitters_ in the sun, great, what's next, a werewolf (excuse me, _shape-shifter_) who imprints on his soul-mate no matter how old they are? Or better yet, a half-vampire child who ages to adulthood super fast just so she can stay that age for hundreds of years. Oh, I know, how about a boring, klutzy, high school girl with no personality winding up all crazy powerful. Yeah, can anyone else say unbelievably ridiculous.


	2. Bonus Scene-Chasing Down Edward in Italy

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own this piece of cra- . . . I mean, fiction. The Twilight series belongs to someone who obviously has no idea how to write a decent story.

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Turning down the deserted street I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted Edward standing shirtless at the other end. I'd been looking for him for awhile now and was glad that I wasn't going to have to race around this stupid city anymore. I mean first I'm stuck in that deathtrap of a car with Alice, that girl should have her license revoked with the way she drives, and then I have to run after Edward on foot because the stupid car gets blocked in. It feels like I've been chasing him down for days and all I want to do is go home and sleep for a week.

Jogging towards him I manage to grab his arm just as he's moving to step out onto the main street. "Edward," I manage to get out breathlessly. Like I said, I've been running for quite some time. "I finally found you."

He jerked around so fast I'm fairly certain he would've snapped his neck had he been human, but seeing as he's already dead he merely eyed me with wide eyes. "B-bella! You're here!" he cried out, pulling me into his arms and crushing me to his chest. "I thought you were dead!"

Patting his back awkwardly, I gently pushed him away. "Um, no, I'm obviously still alive, but now that I've found you we really need to talk," I tell him sternly.

"I know, and I'm sorry I left you. I promise I'll never hurt you like that again."

Honestly, I have no idea what he's talking about, but he seems so heartbroken that I just nod my head and let him speak.

"Please don't do something like that ever again."

"What are you talking about?" Okay, so I hadn't meant to ask that just yet, I was on a schedule here, but I couldn't help it. He was talking nonsense and it was really starting to get on my nerves.

I swear the look he gave me was like something you'd give to a child who'd gotten in trouble for doing something they knew was incredibly stupid. When I raised an eyebrow at him he finally got around to explaining.

"You tried to kill yourself by jumping off that cliff!" he snapped, pulling me back into his arms as if he was afraid I was going to disappear. Yeah, cause _I'm_ the one with unusual abilities here.

Pushing him away, again, I took a deep breath before speaking. "Look, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. I never tried to kill myself; I was only having a bit of fun. Not that it should matter to you seeing as how you left awhile ago." Shaking my head I ran a hand over my face in exasperation. This guy could be a real pain to deal with sometimes. "Anyway, enough about that, we need to talk."

His hands found their way to my shoulders and he made sure to stare directly into my eyes when he said the next part. "Don't worry; now that you're here I don't plan on killing myself anymore."

I didn't know I was supposed to be worried about that to begin with, but whatever. "Okaaay," I said slowly. "That's . . . great. Now, can we get back to the reason I'm here please, I don't have all day."

Again with that look. He must not have any other facial movements available to him. I guess that's a downside to being a sparkly vampire, the muscles in your face die along with the rest of you.

"I've already said I won't get myself killed, what more is there?" he asked, and I have to admit he sounded genuinely confused. I wonder what Alice said to him.

Now I'm confused as well, but that's not really a surprise. Not when it comes to the Cullens family. Nothing about those guys ever makes sense. "I never thought you were trying to off yourself," I said finally. "That's not why I'm here."

"Then why did you come if it wasn't to stop me from exposing myself to the humans?" he asked, head cocked slightly to the side.

"Alice has extra tickets to a concert and wants us to tag along with her and Jasper"

Oh look, I've surprised him yet again. Apparently not all of his facial muscles have died.

He opened and closed his mouth so many times I lost count before he finally managed to speak. "You mean to tell me, you flew half way around the world and ran around an unknown city just so you could drag me to a _concert_?"

I shrugged. "Well, yeah." I'm not exactly sure why he sounds so annoyed. This isn't the first time Alice has gone to extreme measures to get something she wanted. That's pretty much the girl's MO after all.

"So you didn't come here to save me?"

The poor guy sounded so disappointed I couldn't help what I said next. "Okay, okay, you got me. I was just messing with you. Alice thought that if I pretended to have another reason for being here you might take it better than if I just showed up and begged you to come home." Great, now I was going to have to rinse my mouth out to get rid of the sickly sweet taste in it. Man, the things I do for these peo-. . . I mean _vampires_.

A smile spread across his face and he pulled me into his arms . . . _again_. "So you did come here for me. I knew it."

Forcing myself to hug him back I rolled my eyes since I was certain he couldn't see me. Alice was so going to die the next time I saw her. Bribing me with a free trip to Italy and a concert ticket so I'd come save her idiotic brother from doing something stupid, what kind of friend does that?


End file.
